After school: what to try

What the day may have already asked of them

• Six hours of sitting, waiting, and following rules that change room to room
• Reading faces all day: is this kid joking or serious?
• Cafeteria noise, a substitute, a fire drill, a tag that wouldn't stop
• Holding it together in front of people who aren't you

None of that is unusual. For some kids it's a lot of work, and the work doesn't show until they're home.

What the walk-in moment is asking

Shoes off. Coat off. "How was your day?" A sibling who wants to play. A switch from school rules to home rules. That's a lot of asks for the first five minutes, on top of everything they're already carrying.

What to try

1. Hold the questions. "How was your day" can wait an hour. Most kids answer better once they've landed.
2. Give them a landing. A snack, somewhere quiet, something to look at. For some kids it's ten minutes of an iPad. For others it's jumping, or lying under a blanket.
3. Keep it the same every day. When they know what happens when they walk in, it's one less thing to figure out.
4. Talk later, and keep it short. Once everyone's calm, maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow: "What's one thing that would make coming home easier?"

What to keep track of for one week

Look for the pattern: gym days, substitute days, the day after a bad night's sleep. If Thursday is always the hard one, that's useful to know.

Maybe the hard part isn't coming home. Let's look.