Getting out the door: what to try

What "put on your shoes" asks

• Stop something he's absorbed in
• Leave the Legos unfinished (the worst)
• Switch to something he likes less
• Find the shoes, sit down, remember the steps
• Get the shoes on, which takes fine motor work for some kids

One sentence from you. Five or six asks for him. Some kids handle all of that easily. Some kids, on some mornings, can't yet.

Before the big feeling: make the hard part smaller

This is where you have the most options, because nobody's upset yet.

1. One step at a time. "Shoes by the door." Then: "Socks next to them."
2. Say what's coming. "Five more minutes of Legos, then shoes." A timer he can see helps some kids.
3. Give the unfinished thing a place. A shelf where the Lego build waits until after school.
4. Do the first step with him. Starting is often the hardest part.

In the middle: say less

Stay close, lower your voice, keep everyone safe. Lessons won't land right now. That goes for you too.

After: keep it short

Once everyone's calm: "What's one thing we'll do differently tomorrow?" Then drop it. You'll have this conversation more than once.

Find where it comes apart

For one week, write down the moment it breaks: stopping the game, finding the shoes, putting them on, the front door, the sidewalk. If it's always the same step, start there. If it's a different step every day, look at what else was going on that morning: sleep, breakfast, a change in plans.

You don't have to know exactly why something is hard to start making it a little easier.