It's coat season where we live in the Northeast, which means it's also "Why won't my kid wear a jacket when it's 40 degrees outside?" season.

If you're living some version of this particular battle right now, I see you.

For weeks, my kid refused his winter jacket. Not just reluctant, like full refusal. And it's been cold enough that I couldn't just let it go.

So I got curious.

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When Multiple Systems Might Be Speaking

Here's the thing about resistance to clothing: it's rarely about just one thing.

Was it sensory? The weight of the jacket, the texture of the fabric, the way it restricted his movement, the feeling of tags against his neck?

Was it autonomy? The fact that I was deciding what he should wear, and wearing the jacket felt like compliance rather than choice?

Was it interoception? Kids sometimes genuinely feel temperature differently than we expect — their internal sense of hot and cold isn't always calibrated the way ours is.

Was it communication? Maybe he didn't have the words to explain what felt wrong, so the easiest response was just "no."

Honestly? I couldn't tell.

And here's what I'm learning: sometimes you don't need a definitive answer about which brain-body system is driving a pattern to make a helpful adaptation.

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What His Body Was Communicating

When I asked him directly why he didn't want to wear his jacket, he looked at me with complete sincerity and said:

"Don't worry. My skin has an extra layer like a jacket to keep me warm."

Which is… either wildly creative reasoning or possibly accurate interoceptive awareness.

Some kids genuinely run hotter than adults expect. Some kids are so focused on other sensory input (the feeling of moving, the sound of their footsteps, the visual input of their surroundings) that temperature barely registers. Some kids describe internal experiences that we might dismiss as "imagination" but that reflect real differences in how their nervous system processes information.

His explanation wasn't cheeky. It was his brain trying to communicate something true about his experience.

But either way, I still needed him to have something when we left the house.

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The Experiment

Instead of trying to figure out exactly which system was driving the resistance, I tested a hypothesis.

I ordered a lightweight, breathable jacket — cheap on Amazon, in his current favorite color (green, this week). When it arrived, I didn't present it as "You have to wear this now."

I framed it as discovery: "Look! A new green coat that's nice and light but will keep you warm."

No pressure. No "see, this one is better." Just offering an option.

And so far? He's been wearing it without pushback.

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What Might Have Shifted

I still don't know exactly what was happening with the original jacket. But here are the possibilities I was working with:

If it was sensory: The lighter weight and breathable fabric might have reduced the restrictive feeling. Less pressure on his shoulders. Less "trapped" sensation.

If it was autonomy: Presenting it as a discovery rather than a directive gave him agency. He got to decide to try it, not comply with my demand.

If it was interoception: A lighter jacket might match his internal sense of what his body actually needs for warmth, rather than what I think he needs.

If it was communication: The new jacket became a fresh start. No history of power struggles attached to it. Easier to say yes.

The truth is, it was probably some combination of all of these.

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Why Curiosity Matters More Than Certainty

When we frame everything through the brain-body lens, it's easy to think we need to diagnose before we adapt. To know exactly which domain is speaking before we make a change.

But that's not actually how it works.

Sometimes sensory and autonomy and communication are all tangled together, and that's completely normal. The brain doesn't operate in neat categories. Systems overlap, influence each other, and shift depending on context.

What matters more than certainty is staying curious.

Noticing patterns. Testing small shifts. Letting go of the idea that we need to fully understand before we try something different.

The jacket might be about texture. Or control. Or both. Or something I haven't even considered yet.

But the willingness to experiment with a lighter option based on curiosity? That was enough.

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Observation Prompts: What to Notice in Your Own Jacket Standoff

If you're navigating clothing resistance with your child, here are some patterns to look for:

Sensory patterns:

• Does resistance show up with certain fabrics, textures, or weights?
• Do tags, seams, or zippers seem to matter?
• Does your child tolerate the item when they're calm but resist it when they're already overwhelmed?
• Do they have strong preferences for tight vs. loose clothing?

Autonomy patterns:

• Does resistance increase when you're rushing or insisting?
• Does it decrease when they have more choice in what to wear?
• Do they resist items you picked out but accept items they chose themselves?

Interoception patterns:

• Does your child genuinely seem unbothered by cold when you're freezing?
• Do they describe feeling hot or restricted when you think they should be comfortable?
• Do they have unusual responses to temperature in other contexts (not noticing they're sweaty, seeking out cold surfaces)?

Communication patterns:

• Does your child struggle to explain what feels wrong?
• Do they say "I don't like it" without being able to name why?
• Do they get frustrated when you ask questions about it?

You don't need to answer all of these. You just need to start noticing where the patterns show up.

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Beyond Jackets: Where Else This Shows Up

This same dynamic — multiple systems interacting, resistance without a clear "why," the need for curiosity over diagnosis — shows up everywhere:

• Shoes that suddenly feel "wrong"
• Shirt tags that have always been there but are now intolerable
• Socks that bunch, pants that itch, hats that press
• Morning routines that were fine last week but feel impossible now

Clothing resistance is one of the clearest examples of brain-body communication, because it's so tangible. Your child's nervous system is saying "something about this doesn't work for me," even if they can't articulate exactly what.

And when you respond with curiosity — when you test adaptations without needing to fully diagnose the problem — you're building trust. You're showing them that their internal experience matters, even when it doesn't make sense to you yet.

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The Green Jacket Win

So here we are. He's wearing the green jacket. Mornings are smoother. We're not fighting about outerwear every time we leave the house.

Is it a permanent solution? Maybe. Maybe not. He might outgrow it, or decide green is no longer his color, or find a new reason it doesn't work.

But that's the thing about working with the brain-body connection: it's not about finding one right answer. It's about staying flexible, noticing patterns, and adapting as systems shift.

Not every resistance needs a full explanation. Sometimes a small adaptation based on curiosity gets you further than certainty ever could.

What's your version of the jacket standoff this season? What have you noticed about when resistance shows up — and what small shifts have helped?

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Want to understand more about how brain and body systems communicate?

The sensory system, autonomy, interoception, and communication all interact in ways that show up in everyday patterns like clothing resistance. When you start recognizing which systems might be speaking, small adaptations become much clearer.

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